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Apple Computer Inc.

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Steve Jobs Goes to Hell

So eventually Steve croaks and goes to St Peter... St. Peter is embarassed. "I don't know what to do with you Steve ... you put a radio station in every pocket ... on the other hand you made OS/X. So I tell you what ... just chose between heaven and hell"

Steve goes "Really, I can chose?"

"Yes pick one" Peter says.

Steve is very professionnal: "Ok, can I visit both before deciding?"

"Ok, just go on. What do you want to start with?"

Steve: "... why not start with hell?"

And it came to pass that they both went to hell. Magnificient. Great beaches, plenty of sun and nude women every where, smiling at Steve.

"That looks wonderful" Steve says. Now how about heaven?

They then went to heaven. Magnificient. Great beaches, plenty sun, just no naked women.

"Ok" Steve says, "I pick hell then."

After a week St. Peter decided to visit Steve who was sent to Hell. The poor guy was on the floor, screaming, scratching the ground with his nails. He shouted at St. Peter: "No no no! I Can't stand it no more!"

"What's wrong" St. Peter asked

Steve goes "I don't understand, there is nothing to do with what I saw the first time. Where is the beach? The naked women?"

And St. Peter: "That was just a free demo."


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Is Mac OS/X a Virus?

No, Mac OS/X is not a virus. Here's what viruses (viri?) do:

1.They replicate quickly -- okay, there's an OS for that.
2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so -- okay, there's an OS for that.
3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -- okay, there's an OS for that, too.
4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... OS/X does that, too.
5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with OS/X, too.

Until now it seems OS/X is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So, OS/X is not a virus.


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(this one's kind of old)

God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he yanked up to Heaven three influential humans: Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Steve Jobs. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed. "You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." With another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth. Obama immediately called his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is a god. The bad news is, God's really mad and plans to end the world in a week." In Russia, Putin announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong: there is a god after all. The worse news is God's mad and is going to end the world in a week." Meanwhile, Steve Jobs called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me the highest of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed. "The better news is we don't have to fix the bugs in OSX."


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