Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'personal'.



More search options

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • General
    • Nubie HQ
    • General Hacking
    • Old Skool Phreaking
    • LinkZ
    • Hacker Media
    • Hacker Meetings
    • Programming/Code
    • HAM Radio/Hardware Hacking
    • Retail Hacking
    • Urban Exploration And Social Engineering
    • *NIX
    • Graphic Designs
  • BinRev members section
    • Assorted Projects
  • Off-Topic
    • General Chat
    • Scratchytcarrier's Joke-A-Thon

Calendars

  • Community Calendar

Blogs

  • StankDawg: Howling@the.moon
  • Brokennode
  • RedAnthrax the BLOG!!!
  • CETX_var_log
  • The Hillbilly Hacker
  • Exit Status One
  • Bit Bucket
  • 1337_snic's Blog
  • Kotrin's Blog
  • LibbsSecurity E|Hacker Network Security Blog
  • R4p1d's Blog
  • Ohm's Blog
  • Letting the smoke out
  • 1337_snic's Blog
  • 1337_snic's Blog
  • jeremy_.html
  • tekio's blog
  • lattera's Blog
  • The Microwave Rider

Categories

  • Audio
    • Internet Radio shows
    • Miscellaneous
  • Zines
    • Phrack
    • BR Magazine
    • PoC||GTFO
  • Video
    • HackTV

Found 29 results

  1. So my first cat passed away a few months ago from old age after about 15 years. After a few months, the fioncee and I decided that it was time to get a new one. I present for your adoration, the cutest destroyer of worlds that you will ever see.
  2. So I have recently started twatting...errr...tweeting? twitting? Whatever it is, I finally broke down and tried it. I know that I swore I would never tweet (I think I even tweeted that exact statement) but I ran out of games to play on the iphone while bored and fired up the twitter app and started twattling. I can't imagine it being something that I do regularly or frequently, but I might post an occasional funny picture that I take from my portable telephonic computer machine with photographic technology. Hell, I only have a tweeter account because someone else registered it in my name to promote the web site and then gave the account to me. The main thing that I hate about twitter is how people fucking post CONSTANTLY! I have already had to remove a couple of people from my twat list. My GOD you do not really think that people care that much to hang on your every word...do you? I mean, thousands upon thousands of twitters? I just don't care that much about your twat to have it pollute the rest of the people who twist responsibly! Holy shit, there were 2 people who twastered so often that they were generating 25% of my twatter posts for crying out loud! I mean, I like these people, but only post when you have something funny or interesting to say. Posting every mundane detail of your life, which is apparently so boring that you tweet 20+ times per day, is just pointless. It is the same reason that I don't read your fucking blogs either! I mean, yeah, I don't post to my blog often, but shit, at least when i do it has a funny picture, an emotional drama filled rant, or an occasional useful bit of information. This leads to the second thing that annoys me. Why is there some social obligation to follow everyone who follows you? I see this a lot more on facebook. I have friends who argue about why they didn't accept someones invite on facebook. I mean, WTF? Maybe I don't use facebook and didn't see your invite. Personally, I still do not have a facebook account! If I did, I would not feel obligated to reciprocate following you anyway. I mean, back to the reason that I have a twizzler account...A lot of my friends are from all over the United States (and outside for that matter) and this may be the only way that I can keep in touch with them. If you are a friend in real life, then I will TALK TO YOU ON THE PHONE or MEET YOU IN PERSON and hang out of something to find out what is going on in your life! I mean, if you are only friends with someone on twatservice, then you aren't really friends. Talk to them on the phone sometimes, meet up in real life, even if it is only once every year or so. All of those celebrities that you follow are NOT YOUR FRIENDS! I only follow Daniel Tosh because he is funny as shit, not because we buttfuck on the weekends. I will tweetle only when I have something funny to share or if I find something interesting, and I will keep it minimal. A few posts one day, but maybe not for another week or two after that. Be realistic. If you do care, you can see my tweet on the side of this very blog. You can also follow me, if you want, at the obvious "@stankdawg" tweeter-totter name. Do not be surprised that I might not follow you back just like I won't be butthurt of you stop following me either. I am not everyone cup of tea...Hell, I may not be be anyones cup of tea and I am OK with that. In case you haven't figured it out, I have no idea what to call this shit so I call it different words all the time. I am pretty sure that it doesn't matter since it all sounds the same anyway. PS: If you think I am talking about YOUR twitter account, I am certainly referring to someone else. I love YOUR twattles! Its that other guy that I can't listen to any more.
  3. So yesterday was a pretty cool day for geeks worldwide since it was January 1, 2011 which is almost a perfect default date. 1/1/11 (1111) is pretty interesting in and of itself. It only happens once in a millennium (at least in this format) so being the geek that I am, I had to seize the day and make a big change in my life. A little while ago, I made a post about how I have never proposed to anyone before (despite what one delusional person thinks). Well, that is no longer the case. Yesterday, on 1/1/2011 right after midnight, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes! She doesn't really get the significance of the date so much, but she knows that it is important to me and is happy that I am happy (having someone care whether or not I am happy is a foreign concept to me). She also agreed to try to have the wedding on the ULTIMATE default day which will be this November 11. That right, we are going to get married on 11/11/2011 unless something stops us (Veterans day might close some offices down). I did not plan for this to work out this way, but it seems fitting that I get married on 11/11/11. Not only does it have the hacker significance, but truthfully it is pretty HUGE when you think of the scope of that possible date. We are in the middle of a sequence of dates (starting in 2001) where we can have these dates lineup up once per year. For example, we had 01/01/01 in 2001 and then 02/02/02 in 2002 and so on. Next year will be the last year of this cycle at 12/12/12. But this year is the magical one for hackers and for me personally. It will not happen again for an entire millennium on 11/11/3011. Yes, you can argue that it sort of happens on 11/11/2111 (or any 100 year cycle from there) but that is an odd number of "1"s and just isn't the same. Besides, I will be long dead by then. This perfect alignment of dates has only happen 2 times in all of history. 11/11/0011 was the true default date and then again on 11/11/1011. There was also a magical 11/11/1111 which will never happen again as well. Sometimes things just happen the way that they are supposed to. This is the kind of story that not many people can claim and hopefully a great story for our children (no, not yet). Call it fate, call it faith, call it luck. I don't care what it is, but it feels right and I am as happy as I have ever been in my life. I love my fiancee (it will be tough to get used to that word) very much and I am glad I waited for her to appear in my life. Happy new year everyone! I hope yours goes as well as mine! Oh yeah and every...and I mean EVERYTHING...including my wedding day...is always on default!
  4. I am an "American constitutionalist". I believe in the constitution from top to bottom and consider it one of the greatest documents ever written. This country was founded under it and grew and prospered under it. Recently, we have been going away from that very foundation that made us great and look at what is happening to our country. We are falling to pieces economically, morally, and structurally. Americans are starting to finally wake up to problems that we have had for the past 30+ years. I am glad that people are starting to see the light. I only hope that it isn't too late. To ensure that it isn't too late, I have recently re--embraced my rights granted to me in the bill of rights (aka the preamble) of my constitution. Particularly, the second amendment. People who know me know that I am a big believer in the first amendment which, as every knows (or should know) is freedom of speech. I find it funny that many people support this 1st amendment, but they are against the second amendment. As the saying goes, the 1st amendment is so important, that the second amendment was made to guarantee it. I think that a lot of people jump onto political party agenda bandwagons without realizing WHY this amendment exists. You have to have a grasp on the history of our country to get it. We left to form our new country to get away from a government that was repressive. We didn't want to be told what we could or could not say or think. We did not want to be forced into a certain particular religion or any religion for that matter. This is not the role of the government. These things were so important that they were written as the foundation to our constitution. Originally started as the "Constitution of Virginia" which was written in my home state, it was solid for 200+ years and I would argue, still solid to this day. Today, in 2010, we have been witnessing a government that has been repressive to say the least. In my opinion, we have been losing our rights slowly but surely over the last 30+ years. The government has been taking over some of the most important institutions on our lives. They run things like our banking system (The Federal Reserve), our Housing industry (Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac), our health care (which looks privatized, but permitted to only a few companies by the government. and who knows what will happen to it now), our transportation systems (Federal Aviation Administration, Department of Transportation), and our communications (the Federal Communications Commission). Look at those things. Now look at where all of the problems are in the United States right now. Do you see a pattern? The pattern is that WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!! I don't mind some socialization, it is not about that. I just don't trust this government to do it right. This government is screwing this country up so badly that I cannot even put it into words and we have sat by all of this time and let it happen. The sad thing is that 99.9% of us are still standing by and letting this happen because we are simply oblivious to the way things work. Americans are lazy, unmotivated, and uneducated and because of this apathy, those of us who see the truth are prisoners of our own government. Not me. Fuck that. Back to my second amendment rights... The second amendment is not just the right to bear arms. It is not some Warmongering mindset that America has been labeled with. We don't want guns because we a re a bunch of hellraisers. that is not what that amendment was written for. It wasn't for wars. It wasn't for hunting. It wasn't so that we could kill each other or become barbarians. Quite the opposite. Read these words carefully. The key words here are "necessary to the security of a free state". You see, our forefathers knew that the government that they were escaping form had repressed them leaving no way to rebel and stand up once things had gotten too far. This amendment was written, and made number 2 on the list, because they realized how important it was that they did not allow that to happen again. This right allows us to bear arms not to protect ourselves against outsiders but for something much more important. It allows us to protect ourselves from our own government. All of the other reasons mentioned above are important also, but this was the true reason that it was written. This is what I have chosen to do. I already had guns as a kid. When you live in the country, and in the South, you grow up around guns. But my guns were for mostly hunting. Now, I have purchased some guns for my own protection. Now before you thinking I am going into full kook mode, let me clarify one thing very clearly. I HOPE THAT I NEVER HAVE TO USE THESE GUNS!!! Sincerely. All of the stuff that I am talking about here is not part of some nut job columbine scheme nor am I going postal. what I am doing is simply exercising my rights as an American citizen before this right, like many others, gets taken away as well. It is happening people. I don't understand why so many people are blind to it when it is right in front of your eyes. You have rights and if you don't use them, you may lose them. Luckily for me, I am using mine and as to paraphrase the true sentiment of what says in the subject of this post... "You can have my RIGHTS when you pry them from my cold dead hands."
  5. After a bad relationship (The worst in my entire history, however short of a list that may be) I have recently been back in the dating world, such as it is. It is very difficult finding someone out there who can put up with all that goes along with being me. I have very high standards for people and I am not willing to settle for just anyone yet that being said, I admit that I am certainly not the greatest catch out there. That being said, I have been finding it difficult to trust after being used and mistreated in a previous relationship. It is a fine line between holding up standards in what I expect in a girlfriend and how much I hold myself back. This past abuse has turned me a bit jaded. I want to trust. I want to be trusted. I am not sure if I know how to do that. I am also a hacker, which means I am distrustful by nature. I question everything. So when someone says something to me, I always take it with a grain of salt. That makes it difficult to trust it when someone pays me a compliment, or does extend themself to me. Everyone that I have ever trusted has eventually let me down (except for my mother who is the only person in all of existence that I trust explicitly). Luckily, one thing that I do have that helps is a Southern upbringing. I grew up in a world where people trust each other in general. It is very easy for me to trust people for small things. I loan friends money all the time. I take risks to help people...even strangers. I give my time, my knowledge, my advice, and anything that I can. These are easy for me because I want to help people an I like helping people and I like it when people trust me because it means that I can probably trust them. Because of that belief system and way of life, I always give everyone a chance when I first meet them. That comes very easy to me. But that is not the trust that I am talking about here. That is a different type of trust. I always give people people a chance to earn my trust at those types of things. When it comes to my heart and my soul...that is a lot harder and that is the root of this whole conundrum. I still believe that you have to be willing to trust and you have to have someone who is willing to trust you as well. This is very difficult for me these days and I have to keep reminding myself to trust people. If you don't give people a chance to come into your life...they never will. This puts me in a delicate balancing act... I have to somehow try to balance these two seemingly incompatible worlds: The world of hurt...and the world of hope. I have been talking to a very nice young lady recently and she has actually been pretty awesome. Most that I have talked to have been mental, boring, or disinterested in me. Even though we have only gone out a couple of times, I think this one is different. WE laugh and cuss and make the same silly jokes. We like to torture each other with mixed messages. We both have similar pasts. Last night, I spent the entire night until 5 AM texting and talking with her on the phone. I haven't actually gotten along with anyone like this in a while and it is a scary thing to me. Especially since this is exactly how that last abusive relationship started. I don't want to trust too much and potentially be hurt again but I also don't want to miss out on a great woman because I was unable to open myself up and trust again. I am putting my heart on the line again and hoping that it is the right thing to do. I hope I am doing the right thing. This shit is HARD!!!! I FAIL at dating. There has to be one other person out there who I can trust isn't there?
  6. NOTE: This post was originally made on the same date in 2005, not 2006. First of all, I don't owe anyone an explanation individually. But since there are a few people out there who wonder why I am pulling out of the public scene, I thought I would try to explain my reasons in the hopes that maybe a few people would understand. I do not have a problem sharing these reasons, but if you intend to attack me for them, you should stop reading now. I don't want to hear it. Basically, I unplugged for 2 general reasons. Firstly, I pulled out for personal reasons. Secondly, I pulled out because hacking wasn't fun anymore. For those of you who are genuinely interested, I will gladly explain. As far as personal things go, you have to understand that the word personal infers that I am, in fact, a "person". Somehow people think that hackers are all a bunch of punk kids who have no real life problems and run around without a care in the world. Hackers are people. I am a hacker, but I still love my country. I still love my family. I believe in God. I am not ashamed to admit any of these things, but somehow people lose sight of the fact that we are all real people with real lives. We have real hopes and real dreams. We face real triumphs and real tragedies. We find real love and face real heartbreak. Life changing events happen and hacking takes a backseat to real life. If you have ever heard my radio show, you would know that I have said this many times. I guess now you all know that I meant it. Never let the important things in your life take a backseat to anything. In my real life, I have had some pretty big events happen lately. I have kept them private while continuing to work on numerous projects to help keep my mind off of things. My 82 year old grandmother recently moved down here to South Florida. She is the only grandparent that I have left and I love her dearly. I have been spending as much time as I could with her lately. For the most part, she is healthy for an 82 year old woman, and she is blessed to be well enough to enjoy life and live independently. Spending quality time with her is my number one priority above all else on this planet. I have been able to balance my time with her and all of the other things in my life fairly well until last month. I had another life changing event that altered my path. I was offered a job that requires me to move out of South Florida and I accepted it. It is a great opportunity for me doing something I love (programming) and using my education and my 15+ years of experience in the computer industry. It was an offer that I could not refuse. This is a very good thing and I am very happy with these changes in my life and my grandmother is happy for me as well. The reality that I am left with, however, is that I will be physically packing my entire life and moving within a month or so. In that time period, I must sell my house and buy a new house. This means packing up everything I own and repairing my old house to sell it, which is what I have been doing since the beginning of July. As if that weren't enough, I am determined to start this new job on the right foot and really attack it with every fiber of my being. Some of you out there know how hard I work and how I give 337% on everything I do, whether it is writing "show novels" for BRR, researching material for an article, or editing HackTV. I take pride in everything I do. I was always taught that anything worth doing, is worth doing right. I want to do my very best at this new job and after my grandmother, I intend to focus the rest of my concentration on this new job. All of these events just made me step back and realize that the balance had shifted temporarily. I could no longer juggle hacking and life. I needed to borrow from my "hacking time" to pay my "real life time" to help counter-balance the needs that I now faced. I started making plans to slowly pull out a few months ago as these changes became imminent. I made sure that the radio show would be taken care of months ago (around episode 80 to put it in perspective) and I started asking the guys in DDP to pick up some of the slack for me and carry me for a while. These guys are all so great, that not one...not a single one of them...hesitated to rescue me. I probably don't tell them enough how much I appreciate them. They are not only friends, but they are like brothers to me. I was willing to completely leave the hacking scene to concentrate on real life, but they made it possible for me to stick around...and want to stick around. This leads me to the other reason I unplugged... The other reason is that no matter how hard I tried to keep it fun, hacking ceased being fun to me. Certainly, the real life things probably weighed into that, but it was more than that. Hacking was slowly losing its fun day by day over the past year or so anyway. There are a lot of great people in this community. There is no doubt of that. I have met several of them at different conferences. I have gotten heartwarming email from them that helped my regain some of my love of hacking. I have seen and heard a lot of great comments from people and I appreciate them all. I sincerely do. But I also got a lot of negative mail and read lots of negative comments from people as well. And they seemed to far outway the positive comments. I see the blog posts of people attacking me and insulting me. I hear the comments people make on conferences. I see the insulting messages people post in forums ( even in my *OWN DAMN FORUMS*) or put in their videos. What did I do to deserve this? I thought we were all on the same team? Now it is easy for people to say "just ignore people like that". And actually, I am very, VERY good at ignoring people like that. I simply do not have time in my life for negative people in general. I do my very best to help out anyone who asks. But slowly, over time, they start to weigh on you. There are people out there who need help. They don't understand what hacking is. They just don't get it. But that doesn't mean that they shouldn't be helped. They may just need guidance. I have met people who were complete jerks when I first met them. They didn't know that they were being jerks because no one ever told them that they were doing the wrong things. I like to teach people the right things. But sometimes, you can't help those who don't want to be helped. Maybe I come across too strong. I guess that is my weakness, that I speak my mind. May that makes me arrogant, I don't know. Anyone who really knows me, knows that they can ask me for anything and they know I will do as much as humanly possibly to help them out. All I can do is the best that I can. Some days, that just isn't enough for some people. Then there are other little things that make me feel bad. I get messages from people who are angry with me that I didn't answer their email. They don't understand that I get literally dozens of emails every day and I simply cannot answer them all. I wish I could, but I simply can't. Logistically, I started to feel that I was stretching myself to thin. When you are the type of person who wants to help EVERYBODY and you don't have time to GET TO everybody, it gets frustrating. And I do not have any "real life time" to borrow from anymore to do that. This is slightly frustrating, but since there is simply nothing that I can do about it (I can't alter the flow of time...yet), I have to suck it up and move on with life the best that I can. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back, was really nothing big or overly frustrating so much as simply bad timing. I was trying my very best to do everything that I could to keep contributing to this community to the best of my ability and to keep putting out content and balance all of the things that I have been talking about and suddenly, I hit the wall. I had enough. Had I seen another random person making a bad comment, I probably could have ignored it. Had I seen yet another blog of someone talking about how much one of my projects or articles sucked, I would have brushed it off. If I had seen another ignorant "journalist" using me to sell his fear-laden articles, I would have laughed it off. Instead, what I saw was someone who I thought was a friend publicly humiliate me at the precise moment when I needed support. When I was at the end of my rope, no one was there to give me a boost. Instead, they kicked me right off. Now, it is irrelevant to single anyone out, particularly because they probably didn't mean it to come across the way that it did. I understand that, and I don't blame them. But what it did was open my eyes. I realized the hard truth that while there are some great people out there, there are others that simply don't care about you one way or the other. It does not matter how much you give to them, they are never satisfied. They cannot enjoy anything without criticizing it. I don't know what personality trait this is, or if it is more or less prevalent in the hacker community, but I don't like it. I suddenly opened my eyes to the fact that every single thing I do is scrutinized. Here I thought that I was educating people with a radio show and having fun. I was being made fun of. I thought that I was entertaining people with a hacking television show. I was being insulted. I thought that I was providing useful services and projects that people inside (and outside) of the community could enjoy. They were simply being attacked. The thing that I didn't understand, and the thing that bothered me most, was that while all of these people were bitching and complaining about me, not a single person stood up and defended me. Not a SINGLE ONE. No posts of support. No posts defending false allegations. Nothing but silent acceptance. This is not what the hacking spirit is all about and I don't want to be a part of it right now. It is a terrible feeling to suddenly realize that nobody cares enough to have your back. I will never understand why some people seem to think that constantly complaining and being negative about everything can ever generate anything positive. All that you do is chase people away. New people need advice and information. Don't insult them, help them! Returning people are looking for another chance. Reach out to them, do not reinforce the negative image that caused them to leave in the first place. And the people that have managed to stay around for any length of time...just support them. You don't have to agree with them. You don't have to like them. But you will respect them. I do not need my ego stroked, nor do I need to hear a "thank you". I just don't think that I deserve the personal attacks, scrutiny and lack of common courtesy that I have been given. So I do thank the people who have emailed me in recent weeks. I do appreciate that some people cared enough about my well being to email me and say a simple "thanks" or to offer their help and sympathy for my well being. I am honestly touched. You leave me with a great joy to know that there are some people in this community who are genuine and good hearted people. My fellow hackers...my fellow human beings. If I do come back, after some hiatus, it is because of people like you. I cannot list everyone, but you know who you are. I do have to single out my fellow DDP members (past, present, and future) for all of their support. I am proud of what they have accomplished..what we have accomplished. Thanks for keeping hacking fun. Thanks to Acidus, Decius, Elonka, rockit, droops, GIJoe, Dr^Zigman, LogosX, PixelFiend, xlogicx, austin, and Zearle. All of whom were always positive and supportive people to whom I give much deserved respect. And even with all of this, I still have not forgotten about decoder who is going through some pretty rough real life stuff as well. I am still thinking of you my friend. Trust me when I say that *I* have got *your* back. I am still around, just no longer in the public eye. I have to stick with those people who I trust to be good people and stay away from the critics and the community that simply doesn't want me. I don't have time to be hated. I will continue to write. I will continue to keep making sites and starting projects and programming. The sites/forum/shows/projects/etc... will stick around as long as I can afford them. The DDP will still exist and grow. I will never stop hacking because I love it. If anything, I am able to dedicate more time to it because of this. I have a lot of great friends in this community. They are friends that hopefully will last my entire lifetime. I will never stop hacking. It is a part of me. It is what makes up who I am. I am StankDawg. I am a hacker.
  7. I warn you that this post might be something that a lot of people can't handle. They may not want to know or care about such a strange story or they may think it is just too depressing. I found it inspirational. The person that I am talking about is Shiloh Pepin who is probably better known as "the Mermaid girl". She is called this because she has a rare condition called Sirenomelia which causes her legs to be fused together. I am terrible at medical stuff and while that part is interesting to me, what I was more amazed at was this girls love of life and strength of character. TLC is airing a documentary about the last 6 months of her life. Sadly, Shiloh passed away at the end of 2009. Watching the troubles that this girl overcame on a daily basis and watching her do it with such strength and faith made me feel like a weak man. I even changed my signature in the forum to quote Shiloh, not out of sympathy, but out of respect for the wisdom of a 10 year old girl who was able to see the good side of life despite the bad things that had happened to her. I got depressed and felt bad about myself over some crazy chick who dumped me without even so much as an apology and this girl has gone through more hardship in her life than I could even imagine. All of the things that I worry about like finances and relationships and other silly things are simply inconveniences. Money isn't important. Beauty isn't important. Power isn't important. Strength of character and integrity is what's important in life. After watching this girls life, I have a new conviction to be a stronger person. Everyone reading this who whines about how hard their life is should take a good, long, hard look at themselves and where their life is going. You don't even know what it is like to truly struggle. I don't have a lot of sympathy for whiners who won't help themselves. I then get called an un-compassionate asshole for it. But can you look at this girl and still tell me that you have truly struggled in life? I can't and I am not afraid to admit that. I made a small donation to her benefit fund to help build more handicap accessible playgrounds and I would encourage others, if they are able, to do the same. It is the least that I can do to thank you Shiloh. A 10 year old girl showed me what real strength is all about.
  8. I have been watching Shen Yun for a year or so now, waiting for it to come to Orlando. Orlando usually gets a lot of these type of shows, but for some reason I have not seen it come here. It went down to Broward county where I used to live, but not here. I have seen the muscle musical while in Las Vegas a few years ago (2006 I think) which went by the name Matsuri so look for it if they come back to Vegas at some point. To be clear, these are two entirely different shows. Matsuri is a more athletic show with acrobats, stunts, and similar content. Shen Yun looks to be much more artistic and cultural which is why I want to see it so badly. If anyone has a chance to see this, make sure that you do. It may be a once in a lifetime type event.
  9. Happy Saint Patricks Day? Just TRY to sleep now...
  10. I'm trying so hard to not hate Canada..but when they shovel into my intertubes, what the hell am I supposed to do?I still haven't forgiven you for Celine Dion or Shania Twain. If it weren't for , Moka Only, and WordBurglar (who is a super chill guy IRL), I would think that you are musically challenged as a culture.
  11. Possibly the greatest singer of all time made her way to Orlando Florida this past weekend. I have always wanted to see Aretha in concert and I have been looking forward to it since it was announced. I am sad to say that it was a bit disappointing. I know that when you have such reverence and high expectations for someone, that you are setting yourself up for a fall, but I don't think that is the reason that the concert was disappointing. It was disappointing because Aretha just didn't seem to be into being there in the first place. She wasn't "into" the whole thing. Maybe because this was at Universal Studios and not at a fancy/expensive venue. Maybe she was sick. Maybe she is just tired of touring. It might even be a combination of all of these reasons. After performing for about an hour and a half (no complaints there) she left the stage without singing "Respect" which is, as everyone knows, the classic Aretha song. She pulled the classic, leave the stage move and everyone thought that she would come right back out for an encore to do that one last song. The crowd was chanting and everything and the band was still sitting there as though they were also waiting for her...but she never came back out. Slowly, the band started packing up one by one but they also seemed confused. Eventually, they brought up the lights and everyone headed home but the whole thing was just strange. The conspiracy theorist in me wonders if she saves that big song for the expensive concerts and not the large venues. Either way, she is amazing. She is one of the few people that I put in my "gifted" category. She has a God-given gift that very few people on the planet have. Sure, lots of people can sing...and sing very well. But Aretha is on a whole different plane. No one on Earth can sing like her. She has complete control over her voice, incredible power, and the whole thing is effortless. she doesn't strain...she doesn't run out of breath. She just sings. When people say that someone can sing, Aretha Franklin epitomizes that. Aretha Franklin could sing the phone book and I would be mesmerized. I once saw her perform on some awards show (the grammys one year, don't remember when) when Pavarotti was supposed to sing an opera song but he was too sick and unable to perform. Aretha stepped in on extremely short notice (I heard only an hour to learn the song) and sang this amazing and beautiful opera song...in Italian! Are you kidding me? And I was watching...it was beautiful...just amazing. I mean, you think of Aretha as motown and soul, which is true. But this woman can sing everything. A lot of people claim to be divas and call themselves Divas, but Aretha is the only Diva in my book. I think the word was invented for her since there is no other way to describe her greatness. If you ever get a chance to see her perform, do it. Despite the slight disappointment I mentioned earlier, I would see her again in a heartbeat.
  12. I just got back from seeing an advanced screener for the movie KICK-ASS and I am not going to post the obvious comment that it "kicked ass". Oh crap..i guess I just did...damn...anyway... I am not supposed to comment on it to much and write a full review, but I have to say how incredibly awesome it was. This was the best movie that I have seen since Lord of the Rings. It was very accurate to the comic including some very violent stuff but it as all done in an appropriate way. It fits to the point and the message of the movie about being a super-hero. This was every bit as violent as sin city if you ever saw that. The best part of the movie was Hit Girl. She stole the entire movie. Perfect casting, perfect acting, Hit Girl was the most amazing super hero in any movie, ever. I know it doesn't come out for a month and a half, but GO SEE THIS MOVIE WHEN IT COMES OUT!
  13. Look at me! I am qualified to be a cyber security czar...person..hacker...dude...something or other.
  14. Since I am a worthless blogger now, that means I have to take stupid quizzes like these and post them online as though anyone gave a fuck. Here is yet another one. <table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE" align=center> <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'> <strong>You Are 77% Non Conformist</strong> </font></td></tr> <tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF"> <center><img src="http://www.blogthingsimages.com/areyouanonconformistquiz/nc-4.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center> <font color="#000000"> You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands.<br /> And while some may call you a freak, you're happy with who you are. </font></td></tr></table>
  15. I had some people in my life last year that were Canadians. Now, I have other Canadian friends here as well and I had never thought that there was any animosity between our countries. I mean, I had no problem with Canada (or Canadia as I jokingly refer to it). I may not agree with their form of government or some of their lifestyle differences, but I certainly respect them. They are not a bad country. What they do, works for them and God bless them for that. But those Canadians did seem to have horrible animosity towards the United States. I had to constantly ask them to watch the US bashing around me. I don't know if they are getting brainwashed by their own media or if they are just arrogant as a society or what. Luckily, as I said earlier, I have some other Canadians friend in real life. They inform me that most Canadians don't feel animosity towards the United states at all. And When I thought about that I realized that the same holds true for Americans. Most of us don't think poorly of Canada at all. But there are a few vocal minorities here that seem to have some hatred and distaste for Canada. I usually label these Americans as kooks and extremists for the most part. After realizing that, I also labeled these Canadians that I dealt with as kooks as well. I did not let their negativity influence me any more than I let other Americans influence me with their anti-Canadian rhetoric either. But I do understand it a little more now. I mean, if their experience with Canadians was anything like mine, I can see why they have such feelings. If I did not have Canadian friends outside of those that I dealt with last year, I would probably be pretty bitter towards them myself based on this experience. Luckily, I instead decided to examine the root cause and investigate. I asked my friends here and others who have had issues with Canadians and I have come to the conclusion that I just had a run-in with a bad group of Canadians. They were all lazy, arrogant Generation X slackers (and they ironically bashed Gen Y as spoiled "vapid twits") that simply wanted someone to blame in life. They blame the US for all of the problems in the world because we have, admittedly, been involved in some questionable wars and conflicts over the years. At the same time, we are sending billions into Haiti to help the earthquake victims. Some people put on blinders to the good because they want so badly to have something to be indignant about. Haters are always going to find something to hate. Some people are just negative by nature. I would like to know why. I am just curious like that (I am a hacker after all). Maybe if they saw the root cause, they would open their eyes and realize it and change. This particular group of people, as I said before, were lazy "gen-X" folks who had not really accomplished much in life. They get by and make a living, but that is about it. I cannot say that they ever helped anyone or did anything to improve or benefit society. The Canadian government provides so much for them that it becomes easy to become a leech on the system there. They get enough to get by in life from a minimum wage job and the government handouts (which is actually money from the 99% of good people in Canada who do work hard and strive for better things) but they aren't really prospering. This is the same with the welfare system in this country. These services exists to give you the minimum to survive. If you don't like the minimum, then get some ambition and move up in life. That is what I did. I grew up poor. I got an education. I got out of it. Do Canadians have that same opportunity? It sure looks like they do. If they do not, then come down here to the US (which many of them do). We always have room for hard working people! Despite the vocal minority of anti-Canada rhetoric mentioned earlier, I would be the first one to extend my hand and welcome you here. Basically, I think it is simply the caliber of person you are dealing with. Some people are just low-class (which has nothing to do with job or finances) and have bad attitudes and have their hand out. IT is just a universal truth and has nothing to do with the countries at all. People just need someone to blame for their own inadequacies and in this case, it is to point at another country who seems to have more than you. Really it is no different than the same mentality and animosity that some of these middle Eastern countries have for us. Is Canada poised to attack next? It is the old story of the ant and the grasshopper. The ants work all day and get ahead and then the grasshopper just mooches of of the ants. The people that I dealt with were the grasshoppers and they are just bitching about how the ant is holding them down and how unfair it is that the government does not give them as much as the ant earned for itself via hard work. They view the United states as the ant and this animosity grows. I really don't think it is between the countries, I think it is between a few individuals with bad attitudes on both sides. That is just my theory based on a handful of people that I dealt with last year. I know that we have some Canadians here on binrev and a couple of them are really great people who I like and respect like Seal and Aghaster. I would love to hear the opinions of any Canadians on binrev and although we may not be able to change the world view, maybe we can educate people here on binrev about why there is such anti-American and anti-Canadian sentiment between our two countries.
  16. I saw an advanced screening of "Hot Tub Time Machine" last night and it was pretty funny, albeit a bit predictable. I don't need to bother with spoilers since the title pretty much explains the premise and there isn't much else. There really isn't much to this movie as far as plot goes but the thing that was so good was simply the dialogue. I felt like I related to every character in the movie in some way. I was just like the asshole character in some ways, especially waiting for the "arm thing" to happen (OK, that is a spoiler so you have to watch it). I was also a lot like the geeky character for obviously reasons. But so much of the dialogue was just the same type of shit that we talk about at our BR407 meetings or with my other friends. It was just the same kind of debates and arguments over silly things. My favorite line in the movie was an argument over what had just happened and it went something like this: I lolled several times in this movie. If you get a chance, I recommend it. It probably won't get the best reviews since it wasn't original or anythign special, but if you just want to see a good laugh out loud movie, go see it.
  17. So my DVR list has a pretty wide range of shows on my list. I have confessed to the guilty pleasures of "American Idol" and "So you think you can Dance" and the train wreck that is "Jersey Shore". I also love standard popular shows like "LOST" and I just watched the season finale of "Heroes". Mix in some other shows like "Survivorman" and "man vs wild" and "Dog the bounty hunter". Throw in some expected shows like "mythbusters", "conspiracy theory with Jesse Ventura", and "the daily show". So what show could I tell you that would make you say WTF? RuPauls Drag Race! That's right, I said it. I watch a show about drag queens and think that it is FAB-U-LOUS! It is a world that I don't know anything about and I find it fascinating! I really do. I have to say that these men...er..women...err...yeah...anyway, these people are genuine and truly comfortable with who they are and I respect that they stand up and aren't afraid to be who they are. This may be a bit of a leap, but it is teh same way that I am not afraid to stand up and admit that I am a hacker. I admit that their situation may be much harder due to social stigma, but hackers can relate at least o a small scale to having to hide who we are to certain people. There is a lesson here of tolerance and even though you may have laughed at the first part of this entry, I hope that you finish reading this post with a lesson. How can we expect other people to accept us for who we are if we don't accept other people for who they are. Or to put it into words that Rupaul says on the show... "How can you expect anyone to love you, if you can't love yourself?" That's right, I quoted RuPaul in a blog post on a hacking site. That is what makes me the dawg.
  18. I awoke one morning to find this message in IRC at around 5 AM. This is the shit that I have to put up with... Is there no wonder why I want to quit?
  19. I took an online personality disorder test (that I saw linked from 4chan of all places). We all know how accurate these things are...but seriously, there probably is a bit of truth to some of it. Obviously only a real psychiatrist can diagnose you truly. Disorder | Rating Paranoid: Low Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: Moderate Antisocial: Low Borderline: Low Histrionic: Low Narcissistic: Low Avoidant: Low Dependent: Low Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate I don't know how I feel about these results. OCD..I can see that due to my eating habits and my tendency to be stubborn about how things should be done and done right (I admit that "right" can be subjective though). The schitzotypal thing is a bit misleading since it deals with paranoia. I am not paranoid that the world is out to get me (believe me, I witnessed someone like that first hand) but I to tend to believe that our government hides things from us as do big corporations. Because of those conspiracy theory beliefs, I guess that classifies me as moderate.
  20. Yeah, so I guess I fail at being a normal red blooded American male. This chick that I was chatting up on one of those dating sites who lives like 5 minutes away from me pretty much offered a FWB relationship (I only recently learned that acronym myself so I provided a link to it for others who are as clueless as I am) and I said no. I guess most people would consider that a perfect relationship. A good looking girl who wants sex with no strings attached and she is even conveniently located near where I live? What the hell is wrong with me? I wanted to. I thought about it, I will be honest. But I just am not looking for a "hook-up" at this point in my life. I am looking for "the one". I tried to convince myself that I can have both...I mean, who doesn't want to put a different game on "free play" while they wait to buy the game that they really want? And if anyone got that last reference (you may think you did, but you probably didn't unless you are over the age of 30), then you really are a geek. I hereby turn in my man card.
  21. What is this about? LOOK AT THOSE SEXY PICS!!! Most of you don't know my personal life, but I have been going through a rough year. You can look back through my blawg for some of the boring details. During this time, I have not gotten a haircut. I had grown a little mohawk/fauxhawk the last time I got it cut which was back in mid-June so even when I had it cut then, it was still pretty long on the top. Now, I have a full on "wh4fro" (White Afro...for hackers). So after a bad breakup, I pretty much decided to let my hair keep growing just for the fun of it and to "bring it back". I am rocking the visor and the old 70s white basketball player look and I can pull it off...well, I keep telling myself that anyway. I am ready to move on with my life and put 2009 behind me and move on to 2010 and start anew. I decided to rock this out until the end of the year and then start the new year with a haircut as a sort of "cleansing" act for my life. So...I figured that since I will be cutting my hair anyway...why not dramatard it up with a full buzzcutt! I decided that I can use my pathetic whiny life to the benefit of someone else. One of my philosophies in life has always been that no matter how bad you think you have it, someone else has it worse and you can always help someone else. I want to apply this by turning my self-renewal into something positive for someone else. I have always supported the EFF so I thought that I would do a fundraiser to shave my hear for "Internet freedom"! How is that for a fucking dramatard announcement? Here are the details: As far as the haircut goes, I will do it over the Christmas break. I will take a set of clippers and just buzz right through it all...OK, I won't personally, but someone will buzz it for me. I will not shave it with a razor, just a buzzcut. I will film it for an episode of HackTV (probably the PWNED series, that sounds about right) for proof. You don't have to care about the haircut at all to donate and/or participate. The haircut is just my way of making this fun and trying to give my grown as a person some significance. You can ignore the haircut and do it totally for the perks listed below. All money will be collected and donated to the EFF after the Christmas break. I will post totals. None of it will go to BinRev. I will eat the cost of the items listed below, including shipping. 100% of your donation will get to the EFF. Whats in it for you? We will accept donations of any size! All you have to do is submit your donation to orders@binrev.com which is our standard paypal account. Just put in a description or a note that your donation is for the EFF fundraiser and I will make sure that it gets included. If you donate one of the tiered amounts below, you will receive the benefits listed. Tier 1: $25.00<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="cmd" value="_s-xclick"> <input type="hidden" name="hosted_button_id" value="9999987"> <input type="image" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_donateCC_LG.gif" border="0" name="submit" alt="PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!"> <img alt="" border="0" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" height="1"> </form> Free 1 year membership to the financiers group with all of the benefits that it currently offers. If you already are a member of the financier group, I will extend it. I will announce the HackTV episode in this group first, so you will be one of the first to see me make a fool out of myself. My gratitude. Tier 2: $50.00<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="cmd" value="_s-xclick"> <input type="hidden" name="hosted_button_id" value="10000275"> <input type="image" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_donateCC_LG.gif" border="0" name="submit" alt="PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!"> <img alt="" border="0" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" height="1"> </form> All of the perks from tier 1. 1 BINREV T-shirt (while supplies last, but I have a bunch of these left...XL only). Tier 3: $100.00<form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="cmd" value="_s-xclick"> <input type="hidden" name="hosted_button_id" value="10000290"> <input type="image" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_donateCC_LG.gif" border="0" name="submit" alt="PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!"> <img alt="" border="0" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" height="1"> </form> All of the perks from tier 1 and tier 2. Copies of < BR > magazine (while supplies last...I have very limited supplies of these so donate early!) I will personalize them for you if you want, just tell me in the notes of your donation. Every little laptop sticker that I have laying around(from our friends at Memestreams, no starch press, and all kinds of other things), including a small number of < BR > stickers. FAQTHBAY (Frequently asked questions that have not been asked yet): Q: How do I know that this will make it to the EFF? A: I will provide totals and counts of all donations at the end. Q: Can I donate anonymously? A: Of COURSE! I will not drop docs. You can also donate directly to the EFF if you prefer. Q: Why should I care if you cut your hair? What's the big deal? A: LOOK AT THAT RIGHTEOUS FRO!!! Should I deprive the world of that gift? Q: How long will it take to get my stuff? A: Well, be patient with me. I will try to get everything out by the end of January 2010. I will get the accounts created as quickly as I can and hopefully as soon as I see the donation. Keep in mind that I will be out of town on vacation and then again on the Christmas holidays. Q: Don't I remember you complaining about "beg-a-thons" back on BinRev Radio? A: Yes. Actually, I just hate the beg-a-thon over and over again seemingly all the time. This is the first such event that I have conducted EVER so I don't feel like a total hypocrite...just a partial one. Q: Can I be your "baby mama"? A: I am single again. WHAT I NEED FROM YOU GUYS and GALS: Publicity! I need you guys to get the word out. Even if people don't know or care about StankDawg or binrev, just get them to support the cause of the EFF! Emphasize that they will get perks of extra access to the forums, free blogs at binrev, and generally tell them what a great community we have here! Blog about it (you are using your free blogs here at binrev, right?) everywhere! Post in other forums. Do anything else that you think will get the word out and help[ us raise money for the EFF! I am sincere and I want this to be one of the biggest things that we have ever done. We have done smaller efforts in the past for the EFF, but in case this is my full retirement swan song (and I am not saying that it is or is not) I would like to leave something behind and feel that I helped someone in the process. Participate! Hell, if anyone else wants to shave their head with me, upload some pics before/after and we can do it as a group! It will be fun! If you want to donate something for one of the tiers, let me know! Support! Sincerely, this is all for the EFF. Put all of my sillyness and drama aside. I am having fun, but I am seriously trying to do something good here. I know times are tough, but please donate whatever you can. It will all go to the EFF and I will announce the totals and make sure it is all on the up-and-up. If you donate the amounts shown above, you will even get something to show for your donation from us. So you are getting something back for your donation. I will eat the cost of the shirts and magazines and shipping and all of that. 100% of your money will go to the EFF. Please help us support this great cause.
  22. I am finally getting around to posting about my holiday break and the end of my catastrophic 2009. Fittingly, 2009 started in the emergency room and it ended in the emergency room. I guess that is appropriate. Regardless of my 2009 health events both my family and I are perfectly healthy and looking forward to a good 2010. One of the things I was most excited about was finally getting to see my new 4 month old niece for the first time. This is my sisters first child and while I may be a bit biased, she is a beautiful baby girl and you can't help but smile looking at her. Here she is wondering who is this wolf/dawg creature that is kissing her. It's the beard...chicks dig the beard. Here we both are chilling on the couch both with our respective headgear. I also didn't waste any time getting her starting on her hacking career by teaching her the basics of phone phreaking. Both pictures were taken before the haircut so these were the last photos of a creature that might just belong on an episode of MonsterQuest. Due to the aforementioned emergency room visit, it put me behind on a lot of things including the haircut and the fund raiser (which I will wrap up this week, I promise). I *did* get the hair buzzed after I got back home and I did get it filmed to be released in a future episode of HackTV:PWNED. I also have a few photos that I took with the cameraphone that I will post in the Financiers section of the forum. I went to visit my grandmother, whom I have spoken of before, but they put them to sleep in the nursing home very early after supper (it was only 5:30 PM) so she was already in bed when I arrived and I wasn't able to spend much time with her this trip which was disappointing (and entirely my fault for not staying an extra few days to see more of her). I regret not making more time for her. In addition to spending time with my real family, I spent time with my hacking family as well. I got together with long time friends logosx, zer0db, and meaflux. We hung out and caught up on real life drama (thats what friends do) and talked tech and hax (thats what hackers do) and I missed hanging out with them every month at the BR561 meeting. Luckily I stay in touch with them all and pledge to stay even closer to them in 2010. My rebirth is complete and I am ready for a fresh start on life. I will be posting some big news about my future sometime within the next month so stay tuned for a new direction not only for me personally, but also for the entire binrev family of sites.
  23. Ok, so I am not exactly boycotting it, but I am not getting all heavy into it this year. I am not falling into the commercialization anymore. I never really thought of Christmas as a commercial holiday, but somehow it became one out of entitlement. Someone buys you a gift and you are obligated to buy one back for them and it grows and grows. I don't think this is at all what this holiday is supposed to be about. Without going into a religious topic here, since I tend to keep my personal beliefs to myself, but this holiday is to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Now, believe that or not, thats fine. Personal decisions and all of that...but I do believe that and I do not understand how that became "buy everyone you know lots of gifts". The tradition comes from the wise men who brought gifts to the baby Jesus and we keep that tradition up this very day. That is all well and good, but the obligation needs to stop. I do not see the point in buying my sister a gift card only to have her buy me a gift card of the same value for another store. why bother? The stores are the ones who really benefit from this token gesture in the form of a guaranteed sale. Don't get me wrong, I am not a Grinch. I love Christmas and what it truly stands for. But let's be honest, Christmas is a childrens holiday. I have no problem buying gifts for kids and keeping the holidays magical and fun. But for those of us who grew up, it is just all false idolatry to the almighty dollar. Not "idol" in a Godlike way, but in a shift of priorities. I am not doing it anymore. Similar to the way that I don't want gifts to celebrate my birthday (and arbitrary day if there ever was one) I don't want gifts out of obligation. If you want to buy me a gift, do it because you think of me or care about me and thought it would be a nice thing that has no relevance to a date. I buy gifts for people all the time. Why should I wait to give them at Christmas or some particular day? I will give them when I think of that person and buy the gift for them. Personally, if someone gave me a small gift or a card on some strange Wednesday for no reason at all other than that they simply cared about me, that would mean far more to me than if someone bought me a brand new car on Christmas. I can buy a new car myself. You cannot buy caring and love. So that being said, I only bought a few small practical gifts for my new baby niece. I made arrangements with my family to not do the gift exchange mockery this this. I do have a few small things for people, but not out of obligation, but because I care. They are small, cheap things that I picked up on my travels and I don't count that is going out of my way to get gifts. No matter what your feeling are on gift-giving, please let me wish you all a happy holiday. I still love the holiday and the intent behind it, so don't misinterpret that. I will be out of town for the rest of the year visiting my family. Hopefully, I make it back alive. I am going to start 2010 strong and refocused and hopefully it treats me a whole lot better than 2009 did.
  24. I will warn you up front that this is a very personal post and I am using this blog and will continue to do so for some sort of therapy of my own. I have found that typing things up helps get them off of my chest and helps me come to terms with things. I know, I know...take it to livejournal...but fuck that. This is my life and my blog. Yes, I am a hacker and all that, but I keep reminding everyone that I am also a human being. this is the blog of a hacker and a human being at the same time. If that makes it less interesting, so be it. *** So I just got back from vacation a few days ago. The first good one that I have had since the breakup and actually the first good one since we first started going out. This time I took a trip with my mother whom I have only seen once all year (she lives several hours away). Ever since "it" happened, my house and life was left in shambles. That is what abandonment does to people. My house was a wreck. It was dirty, furniture was all in places where I didn't like it because I let her do what she wanted. My mom came up a few days before our trip and helped me clean and we rearranged my whole house. It feels like mine again now. While on vacation, it was the first time that I had time to tell my own mother the whole story of what happened. I cannot...scratch that... will not tell that story here because no matter how cold and callous she treated me and what horrible things she said about me, I will not drop docs and will still respect her privacy. I am not going to change who I am just because someone else fell from grace. I am better than that. But I will bring one thing up publicly that I have been stressing about and talking to friends about for the past few months. I was called some bad things and felt like I was being turned into a bad person and I think that it is fair that I talk about that because this is my personal blog and I find it therapeutic to get it off of my chest. I had already heard from friends on the subject of what/how it happened and they tell me that I did not do anything wrong, but friends sometimes tell you what they think you want to hear and while my friends are usually pretty honest, I still had questions about myself. I was explaining to mom the details that she hadn't heard before and my Mom will tell me the truth no matter what, including telling me if it was my fault. Mothers are great that way. After I got dumped, I was called a liar, a thief, "uncompassionate" and the worst word of all for me..."evil". Now here is the thing. I didn't understand why these words were coming out. I didn't do anything. I was the one who was just left behind with nothing but a phone call (and a 400 hundred dollar international roaming bill..thats right, it cost me 400 bucks to get dumped) so how did that make me "evil"? I try to grow as a person. If someone says something to me, I listen to it. I take it to heart and I have always believed that anything that someone says to you has some bit of truth to it or they wouldn't have said it. When someone says such hurtful things like that to you, especially someone that you love, it really really really hurts and makes you question yourself. Maybe I am a bad person? Maybe I am evil? Maybe I am uncompassionate? Then I realized that I am not the one who abandoned someone without even an excuse and then stopped communicating with them completely other than to call them a thief. My mother made me realize that it was not anything that I did wrong. I am not a bad person. I am not a thief. I am not uncompassionate and I am certainly not evil. It made me see that there was no validity to these attacks. All I did was love someone and give them everything that I had. If that wasn't enough (I knew early on in the relationship that I was not good enough for her) then so be it, but the petty name calling and childish accusations are beneath me. She also made me realize that I am not usually even friends with people who are like that. I would not even treat a dog the way that she treated me (no "StankDawg" pun intended). I was in love with someone who is capable of being so cold-hearted and suddenly I realize what a mistake I made. My friends told me not to even pursue this relationship due to the weird way that it began (I should have listened to you droops and Enigma, you were right) but I am actually a compassionate guy and thought that people deserve chances. I realize now that it was a mistake. I fell in love with someone that was great, but ended up getting dumped by someone that I don't even respect as a person. When you wait your whole life for that "good person" that you think is different and better than the rest, you realize that they are just as bad as the girls in the clubs. They all treat me like shit. I think the "good girl" is as big of a myth as unicorns. They just don't exist. women are cold-hearted and I fell for the good girl routine thinking she was different and wouldn't treat me poorly. I thought she was better than that. I was wrong. So don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I am without fault. I make mistakes..lots of them. But in this case, I did not deserve to be treated the way that I was treated. I thank my friends and ultimately my mother for helping me to see that. My mother is a pretty strong, independent, wise woman even though she was also degraded as "just a housewife" as though that were all there was to her (and assuming that is what she has done her entire life which is not true)as though that were something to be ashamed of. Being a good mother is the greatest job that any woman could have and my mother has reason to be proud because she did a great job. Insulting me is one thing, but insulting my mother is unacceptable and something that only a certain caliber of person could do and I see that now. At least my mother is strong enough to take care of herself and raise 3 kids and not be a burden on society by being a leech on the system like many people that I know. I love my mother. So what it comes down to is that I am happy with who I am. If she wasn't happy with me, then God bless her, but I think the truth is that she is not happy with herself. Let her find that Superman that she needs. But I am not any of the terrible things that she called me. I am happy with who I am, even with my faults. I am the guy who loaned his friends money to buy their first house. I am the guy who co-signed for his friends to adopt their first child. I am the guy who spends his own time and money to run this site for the past 10+ years. I am the guy who mentors young people. I am the guy who is willing to raise money for charity by shaving his head. I the guy who occasionally makes mistake and cusses far too much but all-in-all tries to make the world a better place. I am StankDawg. I am David Blake. I am a good person. I am happy with who I am.
  25. Well, this post makes it official. I always hated blogs because people post the stupidest most inane shit that no one could care about and here I am posting about getting my library card. I have hit a new low. But fuck that libraries fucking ROCK! I have had a library card almost everywhere that I ever lived! For some reason, since I moved to Orlando, I just didn't get around to getting one. I thought about it and realized that these days, whenever I need a book, I just buy it. Fuck that...I already pay taxes and those taxes fund the library so why wouldn't I take advantage of it? I always loved the library, even as a kid, but it was when I graduated high school and started college that I really started to live in the library. I mean that almost literally. When I was just out of high school and starting college, I spent a lot of time in the library on campus. It was awesome because they pretty much knew that it was just for students on campus and that students were famous for falling asleep in the library so there were several comfortable couches and chairs all over. I found a nice quiet corner in a remote part of the top floor and took a nice stack of books and just went up there to a nice little couch and read until I fell asleep. It was a great way to kill time between classes and catch a few winks. I had my handy-dandy datalink watch (model 150)to wake me up in time for class, so I was straight. I could have lived there (cafeteria was nearby). But that library was fairly small and mostly contained textbooks. I had read most of the computer related ones that I was interested in and ran out of things to read. Luckily, the public library was only 4 or 5 blocks away. I would walk down to the local library, which was HUGE in comparison, and they had magazines and public computers to use, and just tons of stuff to stay interested. I would go to classes all day and then go to the library until well after dark. Eventually, I got used to being a regular at that library and started exploring other parts of downtown Louisville KY. I found that if you wear a Doctors lab coat (which I conveniently had ) then you were allowed to freely roam throughout many of the numerous hospitals that were in downtown Louisville. Now, I didn't do anything crazy or dangerous. I just wanted to do some exploring. Cafeterias in hospitals have the best food ever! then, I stumbled upon a University of Louisville medical Library inside of their practicing hospital downtown. Man, there was all kinds of crazy shit in there! Lot so of medical journals and a huge number of medical reference books. This was not really my cup of tea, but it was pretty awesome to know that it existed for the medical students and I did, on occasion, look up a few things that I was curious about. I became an expert on female genitalia, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, that is when the real world set in for me. I was maybe 19 or 20 or so and my family was not rich. It came to a point where I had to get a couple of extra jobs to be able to pay for my college tuition and books. This pretty much took all of my free time (and most of my sleeping time). I began working 5 jobs and taking a double load of classes and my love affair with the library came to an abrupt end. Looking back, maybe I should have apologized to the library for abandoning it, but I digress. How was that for too much information? So yeah, this library is nowhere near as exciting, but I am hopeful that it will re-spark my interest in reading again. I haven't read any fiction or read for any entertainment purposes for along time. I am hoping to find more time to do this instead of just reading technical manuals. So yeah, this was a blog post about me getting my library card...but hopefully I put a little "Stank" on the story so that it is not as lame as it sounds. If I ever post about what I have for breakfast...kill me.