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PG-13 What do you call a Portlander in a suit? The defendant. Why wasn't Jesus born in Portland? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. The TSA had shut PDX down for 8 hours yesterday due to a "suspicious car". The title, insurance and radio were still in it. I was at a Multnomah County library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He said, "You will have to prove you're a resident of Portland." So I shot him. A Portlander, a Vancouverite and a Rastamon all sat in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys - however, unfortunately, they've run out of the name tags and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Vancouverite wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby. The Rasta looks a bit confused, "Excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine?" "Probably", said the Vancouverite, "but one of these kids is a Portlander, and I don't wanna take my chances."